Dear Mr. X,
Let me describe you first:
I can’t do without you, you bring my morning milk and newspaper, you take me to my office in your bus, auto or cab, sometimes you operate the lift for me. At my workplace you’re my subordinate, my colleague, my boss, you even own the company where I work. You cook my lunch, sometimes my dinner too. There’s no getting away from you.
But I am sorry I can’t be friendly to you. I can’t say a courteous good morning to you everywhere. I can’t help you when you’re in need and look at me on some deserted road. I would rather stand than sit beside you on a bus. Even if you have done me no harm, I don’t like sitting close to you in a public transport.
I am wary of you, I am scared and paranoid. I have to travel to new places, live alone and take care of my affairs by myself. I don’t know whether you’re saying the truth or laying a trap for me when you stop me on the streets and ask me for help. (You had once masturbated on the pretext of asking me directions). I get suspicious of you when you slow down your bike do avoid a ditch on the road (you had once hit a girl from behind and snatched away her purse while still on your bike). I hold my pepper spray as you drive me home in your taxi after a late night flight (don’t you waylay female passengers travelling alone and rape them?). I wish I didn’t have to travel with you, I hate you when you may have innocently bumped against me (but don’t you try to touch females in a crowded bus under the pretext of the crowd?).
I can’t even love you and look forward to spending my life with you (Don’t you just want to have fun and see how it feels to just hold a girl and kiss her, instead of wanting to spend your life with her? Isn’t your fear of commitment more than your love for me? Wouldn’t you rather leave me than convince your parents? And wouldn’t you always love beautiful young girls no matter how old I get as your wife?) Even if we hoked up together, we'd end up fighting and straining our minds trying to understand each other, me trying harder than you 'coz you obviously wouldn't even care.
You may be good, but your bad side could hurt me more than your good side could make me happy. And when I meet you I don’t know which side I am seeing. So I take precautions, I would rather assume I am seeing your bad side and avert possible danger than believe it’s your good side and get doubly hurt: one from the harm you’d bring to me, second from getting fooled and tricked.
So forgive me if I look at you with suspicion, if I don’t talk in a friendly manner with you even if we met every day, if I shirk away from you in a bus as if you’re an untouchable. Forgive me if I seem distant, aloof, ungrateful and paranoid, despite all the good things you might have done for me. I just can’t get close to you, I’d rather be safe than sorry.
Let me describe you first:
- Name: doesn’t matter
- Age: from 13 to 100
- Gender: MALE
- Weight: doesn’t matter
- Build: Slim, Athletic, Average, Fat and Obese
- Address: every nook and cranny of India
- Occupation: every possible occupation starting from unemployment
I can’t do without you, you bring my morning milk and newspaper, you take me to my office in your bus, auto or cab, sometimes you operate the lift for me. At my workplace you’re my subordinate, my colleague, my boss, you even own the company where I work. You cook my lunch, sometimes my dinner too. There’s no getting away from you.
But I am sorry I can’t be friendly to you. I can’t say a courteous good morning to you everywhere. I can’t help you when you’re in need and look at me on some deserted road. I would rather stand than sit beside you on a bus. Even if you have done me no harm, I don’t like sitting close to you in a public transport.
I am wary of you, I am scared and paranoid. I have to travel to new places, live alone and take care of my affairs by myself. I don’t know whether you’re saying the truth or laying a trap for me when you stop me on the streets and ask me for help. (You had once masturbated on the pretext of asking me directions). I get suspicious of you when you slow down your bike do avoid a ditch on the road (you had once hit a girl from behind and snatched away her purse while still on your bike). I hold my pepper spray as you drive me home in your taxi after a late night flight (don’t you waylay female passengers travelling alone and rape them?). I wish I didn’t have to travel with you, I hate you when you may have innocently bumped against me (but don’t you try to touch females in a crowded bus under the pretext of the crowd?).
I can’t even love you and look forward to spending my life with you (Don’t you just want to have fun and see how it feels to just hold a girl and kiss her, instead of wanting to spend your life with her? Isn’t your fear of commitment more than your love for me? Wouldn’t you rather leave me than convince your parents? And wouldn’t you always love beautiful young girls no matter how old I get as your wife?) Even if we hoked up together, we'd end up fighting and straining our minds trying to understand each other, me trying harder than you 'coz you obviously wouldn't even care.
You may be good, but your bad side could hurt me more than your good side could make me happy. And when I meet you I don’t know which side I am seeing. So I take precautions, I would rather assume I am seeing your bad side and avert possible danger than believe it’s your good side and get doubly hurt: one from the harm you’d bring to me, second from getting fooled and tricked.
So forgive me if I look at you with suspicion, if I don’t talk in a friendly manner with you even if we met every day, if I shirk away from you in a bus as if you’re an untouchable. Forgive me if I seem distant, aloof, ungrateful and paranoid, despite all the good things you might have done for me. I just can’t get close to you, I’d rather be safe than sorry.
6 comments:
Yes.. right.
Better safe than sorry
not everyone, not everyone!
@ Voice: thanks for posting
@ Psycho: but how do I know who is and who's not? Recently I was "fooled" by someone I thought was my friend. Even you thought so.
If you assume guys are normally distributed.For your satisfaction you need a guy to perform at least 1 standard deviation above average.
You can think of this as debt + equity where debt is the minimum standard guy has to meet and equity is anything over and above that. But here you cant's set debt =1 as guys can default(break up) and min expected value will turn out to be less than 1. Hence it should be greater than 1
So leaving all technical details aside final conclusion is if you choose a guy thinking he is 2.471 standard deviation above average and ask him to perform at 1.2355 standard deviation statistically you'll get a guy at least (even in worst case) 1 standard deviation above average
Probabilistically speaking it means...at anyplace make a list of top 200 guys then choose the best 1.3 guys. They will always meet your standards. Practically speaking those guys must already be committed..so yeah, you're better off without guys :D :)
The above logic was for commitment.....for being nice you can set minimum limit to little below average which shows you can be nice to 21% of the guys :D :)
PS:- Long time since last mathematical analysis of a completely non mathematical problem
@ Prakhar: it is exactly people like you who've been described by Nassim Taleb in his book Fooled by Randomness :)
he he....I know....next time in recession probably I am going to shout "But my model said this is statistically impossible. Not my fault!! Bail me out " :D :)
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